Please note, that by visiting this website you are automatically consenting to the terms and conditions, which includes all the nasty things I plan to do with your personal information. Also note that clicking “agree” or “disagree” doesn’t make any difference to the data I collect and store on secret servers in the Swiss Alps. I, in this case is andrewjacquet.com. If you continue to read this page, I believe it’s safe to assume you already use Facebook.
Information I Collect
By using my services you are agreeing to give me all your personal information like your, IP address, email id, home address and mother’s maiden name. I’d say I require this information to give you the best possible experience, but my legal team tells me that I cannot blatantly lie; only purposefully mislead.
Information You Give Me
From time to time, you may fill my questionnaires and surveys on the site, all this information is handled with utmost respect and sold solely to the highest bidder. Andrewjacquet.com also reserves the right to come to your house and waterboard you for data if the marketers demand.
Use And Retention Of Data
Andrewjacquet.com uses your personal information to spy and possibly incriminate you and your friends. I store your data in a pen-drive hidden under my pillow.
Sharing Of Information
Andrewjacquet.com does not share your information with third parties and advertisers, I only sell your information to third parties advertisers, and my best friend who’s the Prince Of Nigeria. I may occasionally be forced to share the information I collect about you to government agencies on request, but only after throwing an initial fuss.
Usage Of Images And Content
You may freely share all the images and content on this website provided you credit me both as the author and God Emperor of mankind. If not, I will sue you. I know my rights.
Fine Print
By accessing this website, you are consenting to the forfeiture of your first born.
Feedback
If you have any queries regarding this privacy policy please feel free to write to me at [email protected]mail.com. I appreciate any questions or concerns you may have and will be glad to entertain them.
Thank you for agreeing to my Terms And Conditions, you are now cleared to enjoy unrestricted access to our website while I simultaneously enjoy unrestricted access to your bank account. I will update the contents of this page from time to time; and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.